Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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