but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
