The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
