The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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