i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize