...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
