You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
