I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
