I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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