Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
