Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
