woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize