we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
