Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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