i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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