whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
