After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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