mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
