Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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