We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
