is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
