i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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