You just made me feel so damn special
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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