awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
