who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
