ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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