So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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