Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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