I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
