You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
