p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
