Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
