I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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