I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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