Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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