I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
