dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then he tried to convert me to islam
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
