my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
