***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
