Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
