so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's like God shit irony all over that family
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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