Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
