I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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