One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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