Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We are all done wearing pants today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
