Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
