Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Green mimosas i think yes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
