Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
