i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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