Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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