I wish I could punch you in the face.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my poor anus
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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