I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
