Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
