My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
