Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
