And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
