Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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