yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
