What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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