Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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