Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
