The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
