I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's never too late to be topless.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
