im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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