so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
