I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
