Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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