i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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