Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
