i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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