So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize