I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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