he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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