I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
