he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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