I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
