Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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