I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
