It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
