a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
