I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
