I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
