around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
