hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
