I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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