he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
50% drunk capacity currently
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
