A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
