I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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