Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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