You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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