So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize