your thong is hanging out like whoa
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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