These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
